Mom, why are you Brown, why am I White?

A while ago, I saw a video on Facebook which went quite viral. That video ‘tried’ to address the issue of discrimination based on skin color.

In the video, a mother and daughter are sitting on a bench in a park. The daughter asks her mother that why are they white while the mother and daughter sitting on the adjacent bench are black. And then the mother teaches her not to discriminate, that we all are same.

While I appreciate the concept chosen and efforts made by the makers of this video, I find the script completely inappropriate.

Before I say anything else, first let me tell you what that mother said to her daughter.

In that Video:

Daughter: Mom, why are they black?

Mother: Sarah, don’t say that

Daughter: But mom, they are black

Mother: They are black, but they are beautiful. They are black because God created them first. And God fell in love with his first baby and his beauty, so he created many more like them with a beautiful heart inside.

Daughter: Mom, so why are we white?

Mother: Because one day the God saw a black girl playing with the white clay. Her hands were covered with white clay. She had almost painted herself white. God was amused to see that. So he decided to make more people and paint them white. So he made people and painted them white. But inside, we all are black. We are all same.

And then the white girl gets up and goes to the black girl and they start playing together.

Do you think that this explanation was right? The girl in the video is at least 6-7 years old. Instead of this stupid story, she could have been told the facts. Facts and the reasons of color difference are not too bad to not to be told.

First, when the girl asks ‘why are they black’, the mother replies ‘don’t say that’. Why? Why should the girl not say the word ‘black’? ‘Black’ is not an abusive word. Black is a color, just a color; just the way white is a color, just a color. There is nothing wrong or belittling in the word ‘Black’. It’s just our perception which is wrong, not the word ‘Black’.

Next, the mother said ‘they are black, but they are beautiful’. ‘But’?? What is the relevance of ‘But’ here? This ‘But’ in fact indirectly says that black is not beautiful, which is not true.

Then the girl asked very relevant question, ‘then why are we white’, and the mother cooks another stupid story.

In the video, one must see the expressions on the face of the ‘Black’ lady and her daughter when they overhear the whole conversation. They have ‘downtrodden’ and ‘bechari’ expressions on their faces as if they are inferior. They had no reason to feel inferior but they were made to feel so. And the ‘white’ duo looked so confident. Why? Because they are superior, because they are white? And later, the ‘Black’ mother and daughter become happy, because they feel validated. Why do they even need any validation?

If at the age of 6-7 years, you are telling your kids the wrong stories, when will you tell them the right things? How old should they be to be told something as simple as the reason for difference in skin color?

After watching this, I wondered, if not this, then what should have been the mother’s reply? I wondered how I would have addressed this situation (I can be in a similar situation anytime because my daughter is very fair and I am wheatish, oh sorry, my daughter is ‘White’ and I am ‘Black’, so she may ask me any time, ‘mamma, why are you black, why am I white?).

If I were in that place, my response would have been:

Daughter: Mom, why are they black?

Mother: Black? My love, since when you have forgotten to identify the colors? They are not black, they are dark brown. Black is what their hair are. They are dark brown.

Girl: Mom, why are they dark brown?

Mother: Because they have more color in their skin. They have more melanin in their skin which makes their skin more colored. (Term ‘melanin’ can be introduced to a 6-7 years old child).

Daughter: Melanin? What is melanin?

Mother: Melanin is a thing which is under our skin. It is brown in color. So those who have it more, are darker in color. And as you know, God has created everything for a reason, so is the case with melanin. Melanin protects our skin from harmful rays. This is the reason why darker people have lesser skin diseases, because they are more protected.

Daughter: Oh. Then why are we white?

Mother: You are again mistaken darling. We are not white, we are light brown. We are lighter because we have lesser melanin.

Daughter: Why mom? Why God gave us less melanin?

Mother: Because God has made everyone different. Some have more height, some have less; some have more weight, some have less. Similarly, some have more melanin, some have less. Just like us, God too likes variety. Creating everyone exactly same would have been boring for him, and for us too. This world looks beautiful because it has variety, and different colors, all around, in everything.

Daughter: Why so mom? Why is variety important?

Mother: Hmm…. Tell me, do you have all your dresses in the same color?

Daughter: No…

Mother: Do you find your wardrobe beautiful?

Daughter: Yes, of course.

Mother: Now imagine, when you open your wardrobe, you find all your dresses in white color. There is only white everywhere in your wardrobe. Just Imagine.

Daughter: Yuck…

Mother: And if there is all black….?

Daughter: Again… yuck…

Mother: Imagine all dresses in light brown, or all in dark brown, or all in red, or all in your favorite color pink? Pink is good, right?

Daughter: No mom. Pink is my favorite color, but I cannot wear the same color all the time. I like all the colors.

Mother: Exactly my love. Now you know, variety is the essence of beauty. Also, tell me one thing. Out of your white frock and your frilled black dress, which one do you like more?

Daughter: Mmmm….. the frilled black one. The white frock is too simple. I love the frills in the black dress.

Mother: Okay, and out of the yellow maxi dress and the brown dress that you got on your last birthday?

Daughter: Mmm… Both. Both look equally beautiful.

Mother: Right. So now you know that beauty does not depend on the color. Now you know that all colors are equally beautiful. Its other attributes that make something look better, for example those frills in your black dress.

Daughter: Yes mom.

Mother: When you have a white paper, you fill it with colors, and only then it becomes worthy. Similarly, the God has filled colors in this world, everywhere. Also, in addition to beauty, variety is important for another reason too.

Daughter: What’s that?

Mother: So that we learn to value things. We value rose plant, because roses do not grow up on all the plants. God gave a few people lesser melanin so that we understand the value of melanin.

Daughter: But I have less melanin. Does it mean I am inferior to them?

Mother: Not at all. You have more toys than few of your friends. Does that make you superior to them? No, right? Similarly, your friend has a bigger house than yours. Does that make you inferior? Not at all, and you know that. Then how can melanin make anyone superior or inferior? As I said, it is just the law of nature, and a way of God of playing with colors.

Daughter: So I am not inferior to that girl? Am I as good as her?

Mother: Of course. Everyone is equally good. You just understood that skin color is irrelevant. We all together make this world beautiful.

Daughter: So can I go and play with her?

Mother: Why not? Ask her if she wants to play with you…

UPDATE

I wrote this article a few days ago, and just yesterday my daughter put me in this situation (and thus I changed the title too).

I was applying nail paint on my toe nails. My daughter came and said she also wanted nail paint on her toe nails. She removed her socks and sat with me waiting for her turn. After a couple of minutes she said, ‘maa, my feet are white, why are your feet brown? And I started laughing like anything. It is when I remembered about this article and thus posting it today.

How did I answer? She is too young to understand ‘melanin’, but I told her that she is not ‘white’, she is ‘light brown’ (she already called me brown, not black). And I told her the importance of different colors, of variety. There was the box of nail paints open in front of us; I explained why it looked beautiful, because it had all the colors. I asked her, why she applies a different color every time, why she chooses a different dress every day.

Dear Society, darker people do not need any empathy. They do not need validation. They do not need to be told that they are equal or ‘but beautiful’. They do not need anything. It’s the society who needs. The society needs better understanding, better wisdom, better outlook and clearer concepts.

Also read: Please don’t kill your child’s Humanity and Why today’s teenagers are not able to handle the changes positively

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